I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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