we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
