i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
