mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
