its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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