PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
