Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize