You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
