Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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