I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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