i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
