he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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