Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
