Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
