You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
