i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
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