I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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