i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I cut my penus on the lid.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
