sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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