I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
