I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
