my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
