the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
now i know why i became what i already was.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
