You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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