Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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