dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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