There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
