my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
