i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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