What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
