i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
