oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
