Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
