Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
