Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
