i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
the condom got lost in my hair
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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