If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
