Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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