Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Randomize