I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
