It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize