She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
