I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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