you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
