I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
