Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
