Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
