She is in my trunk
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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