I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
