3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
