The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
