i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
