who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
