is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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