Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
