dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
