I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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