I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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