dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
