Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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