I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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