Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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