just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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