drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
