That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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