I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize