I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
