i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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