Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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