why didn't you poke me back
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
