just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
