we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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