I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
