youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
