Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
