i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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