new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
