Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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