You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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