the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
