so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
